If you were invited to an alien planet and had to hold an essay on the human race, how would you start?

"If the universe believes that you are only as strong as your weakest link, then we have a major problem. That being said, not all Earthlings are morons. Allow me to focus on the achievements of the higher minded instead..."
If you were invited to an alien planet and had to hold an essay on the human race, how would you start?
Hello my name is Wayne.To all the people of earth.I have a great announcement which will change our history forever.I have been chosen as earth ambassador to the rest of the universe.I would like to introduced to all man kind the aliens species known as the zetaroids.
Reply:"man kinds end on earth is most likely going to be of our own demise before any kind of stellar intervention such as an asteroid impacting the earth. because we are a hateful specie, and we will be long gone way before the sun starts its death process and expands then engulfs the earth."
Reply:Don't, I repeat, Don't ever allow the humans to get a foothold on your planet and civilization!
Reply:"Stay away from us - though I'll gladly take those sweet, sweet hyperspace traveling technologies."
Reply:L Ron Hubbard is really spinning in his grave right now, but Erik Von Danniken is pretty much smirking
Reply:Don't come to Earth or we will enslave/be racist/war against you (delete as appropriate).
Reply:Tell a few jokes to warm them up, while they sip


some tronia...
Reply:"kill Bush"
Reply:"Take me to your leader"
Reply:"We've f*cked up big time."