Sunday, May 23, 2010

My husband wants to invite his ex-wife to our house on Christmas Eve!?

They have 5 children together - all will be at our house for the party. The ex is re-married, but apparently they don't have anything to do. She makes me uncomfortable when I see her at any function (kids birthday parties, etc.) but I deal with it. Should I have to be uncomfortable in my house on Christmas Eve, or am I being selfish?
My husband wants to invite his ex-wife to our house on Christmas Eve!?
Remember the real reason for Christmas and draw comfort from it, She knows his heart belongs to you...
Reply:Wow, what a re-union, hope a threesome will follow for more fun.....You should initiate the plan and do not refuse to suggest?
Reply:You should not have to be uncomfortable in your own home. Do not invite her.
Reply:Oh my what an awkward situation. Talk to your husband and tell him that it is great he has a good relationship with his ex however you feel uncomfortable with her being there. His ex needs to be with her own family and do things with the 5 children with her family. If his ex has nothing to do then shouldn't she be making her own family traditions for the holidays instead of going to her ex's house. Wierd if you ask me.
Reply:That's part of the problem of being in a marriage with a person with baggage. I don't blame you for wanting your home for your family now and not his x wife. They will all accuse you of being selfish, but I don't think you are, to want that.
Reply:no you're not being selfish HE is. if he wants his kids there then fine. let the ex and her new hubby find something else to do. it's YOUR home and you have a right to be comfortable in it. if he disagrees then you find a place to go w/people YOU want to be around so he gets the point on how unhappy this decsion has made you. but only if you have no problem going somewhere else but you shouldn't be FORCED to have someone in your home you're not comfortable with. take care.
Reply:Like it or not you are all one big happy family so you should learn to just live with it. You married him. Did you not know he had kids and an ex before your wedding? These things are just a fact of life when there is a divorce. His ex has to respect you and your house or else your hubby needs to see her out the door.
Reply:Wow....I couldn't do it!
Reply:You are being insecure.You have a blended family,you knew he had children from another marriage and if they can remain friends for the kids sake then you should also do it for the kids.
Reply:Wow, I don't think i can take that but the fact still remain she has 5 children for your husband and will be using that as an excuse to be involved with your husband. Just manage the situation but if you think you can't, then you have to move on with your life because she will continue to feature in your's husband's life for ever because of those 5 children. merry xmas to the whole family
Reply:Sometimes we have to do uncomfortable things to keep the peace. I'm not saying out up with any crap the lady gives you, but enjoy the time with the kids and your husband. If things get heavy, excuse yourself or excuse her...Merry Christmas!
Reply:My sister used to have her ex at her house on holidays-her new husband didn't mind a bit. But theirs was a very rare situation. On vacation, we visited my then husband's ex-and stayed at her home, did our laundry there, etc. I was uncomfortable as heck-but she was a great person, and I liked her very much! It was hard, but I still have fond memories of that particular vacation-even tho now divorced.





Talk to your husband. If he has not invited them yet, I would recommend not this year. If he already has, he's going to have to find a way to uninvite her and her husband, which will be even more awkward. Maybe someday, you won't mind, but if you are uncomfortable, you will ruin everyone's holiday-and that won't be any fun for anyone. You are not being selfish, maybe just a little insecure-I didn't think I would ever hang out with an ex either, but, once I did, it wasn't that bad.
Reply:if he is still good friends with her than why not ?





are you so insecure in your relationship ?
Reply:i have an aunt and uncle (divorced) that spend the holidays with one another. it is a perfect solution (for them) to having to split the kids holidays in half. however, if you are uncomfortable with it then you absolutely do not need to have her over. is there a reason you are uncomfortable that you can get past? it would be a great gift to your stepkids to have the kind of family that can be together for the major events in their life. i am also invited to my ex's functions often- it gives my kids a sense of security that many divorced families do not have, i am also remarried and they have been very good to my husband making it easier for the kids to love him.
Reply:NO!!! thats her own problem if she dosent have anywhere to go! ask your husband if its alright if you bring an ex to the party and see how he feels about that!
Reply:Come on Cindy, Relax. They aren't married anymore. He is being nice. Come on...let her come.....They aren't going to make out over the christmas punch....
Reply:Hi Sissy





This certainly is a big ask. I don't think your husband should ask her if it puts you in an uncomfortable position. Tell him how you feel and I am sure he won't make you do it.





You don't have a selfish attitude, your home should be a place of happiness and comfort for you, especially on Christmas eve.
Reply:The only way she canmake your feel uncomfortable is if you ALLOW her to. If you ALLOW her to that is your fault, not her's. She is there enjoying the evening with her children...why can't you enjoy the evening with your husband's children as well? You are obviously jealous of her.
Reply:No, I'm with you. For goodness sake, they are separated! I believe each parent should hold their own party, christmas eve, etc. on their own! People may say it's for the kids, but how does 1 day makes sense and all the other days their parents aren't together?
Reply:You are not being unselfish. Other than functions that relate to the kids you should not have to be with her like that. You need to tell your husband how it makes you feel. The key word here is communication. Merry Christmas!
Reply:ABSOLUTELY NOT. You are not being selfish. It is your home, and you should be allowed to feel comfortable in your own home. If this was some other person's home (like another relative) then you'd be sucking it up like you have obviously done in the past (kids parties, etc.). This is Christmas too. It is for the ones you love. Merry Christmas.
Reply:Hm, I do understand you being uncomforatble, I was in your shues with my husband inviting his xgirlfriend and her boyfriend. I had to deal with my own insecurity issues and at the end I ended up having lots of fun with these people and my hubby was proud of me since he knew it wasn't the easiest thing for me.


That sid, your husband is inviting the mother of his 5 kids. Something she'll always be and you are being just a little bit selfish. He did leave her kids and all and married you, so unless she is not nice to you, you are the one with issues and you should address them for your own good.





Merry Christmas!
Reply:You will have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life (or until the end of you marriage). That is the eal you made when you married a man with kids. It doesn't end just because the kids grow up. My two older sons are in their 20's and we still deal with my ex on a regular basis. We have had her and her sistes over to the house for special events when the kids were growing up, etc.





As long as she isn't trying to cause problems in your marriage, be gracious and friendly. It really is possible for divorced couples to be on friendly terms for the sake of the kids. If you can do it, you will be giving a tremendous gift to the kids - they will not have to choose between their parents on holidays.





Remember, he married you because he loves you, but if he is any kind of a man, his kids come first. If he sees you as interfering with his relationship with the kids, you will be the one on the outside.





Another option is for the ex to have Christmas at her house, and you husband can spend Christmas over there with his kids. That way you can choose to go or to stay home by yourself. I wll say it again - the kids come first, not you. If you didn't understand that before, you should now. It is the way is should be. You don't have to have them in your house, but you are showing yourself to be insecure and petty, not the ex.
Reply:I don't think that I could do that. Does your husband know that she makes you uncomfortable? If he does know, I think that he is being very unfeeling towards you, and is being selfish too. If he doesn't know, you need to tell him, and ask him why he wants this. You should not be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home just because your husband wants his ex-wife around.
Reply:Can't she have the kids come to her house, maybe chistmas day. I wouldn't make my g/f have my ex in our home

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