My best friend of 10 years didn't invite me to his wedding - Should I confront him or be hurt?

I have been friends with this guy for 10 years - he is getting married for the second time ( I have know him about 2 years longer than his wife to be) and I wasn't invited to his wedding. It is only suposed to be a small wedding family only - but some co workers were invited. I have always been there for him as him for me. I always help him out and he refers to me and my family as his extended family. Two years ago - I wasn't invited to his surprise birthday party - she made the list - he was very upset that I wasn't there and I told him that I was never invited First he blamed her then he took it back and blamed a friend who gave her the list. She doesn't like me, when she says hello or talks to me she never looks at me in the face. I have always tolerated it b/c it has nothing to do with his and my firendship - but she has always been jealous of our relationship. I used to go over his house all the time until she found out. She and her mom made the list and I don't think he knows.
My best friend of 10 years didn't invite me to his wedding - Should I confront him or be hurt?
Good grief - what a petty, jealous bunch of people!! I'm surprised by how many posters say that they wouldn't want their wives/husbands to have a close opposite sex friend, and I just don't get it. My fiance and I each have close opposite sex friends, and it's perfectly fine. In fact, we sometimes hang out with those friends even if the other one isn't around (although the other is always invited). You know why it's ok? We trust each other, and we know that our friends respect our relationship.





The only time you should ever be worried about an opposite-sex friend is if your partner is excluding you from that friendship or if the other person obviously violates the boundaries of your relationship.





Couples won't always love each other's friends, but they should at least understand that those friendships are important. Your friend's fiance needs to grow up. If she's being sneaky and doing things behind his back, they're headed for trouble.





I've been through something similar, and it sucked.





As far as the wedding: If this guy is one of your closest friends, I think you should talk to him about it. Even if you just say something like "Congratulations on the wedding. I understand that you couldn't invite many friends, but I wanted to let you know that I'll be thinking of you." That way, you'll let him know you weren't invited, but you'll do it gracefully. He can deal with it from there.
Reply:you may think she's being petty and needs to grow up, but remember, he chose his relationship with her over your friendship so obviously this friendship means more to you then it does to him. so if I were you I wouldnt put all the blame on her. Report Abuse

Reply:confront him... don't let the pain hurt you... you should tell him how you felt or still feel about it, and at least you'll feel relieved you said it...
Reply:He needs to wear the pants in that relationship.Sorry to hear that but he is not your friend in the true sense of the word.I have this aversion to people who does not honor a friendship . I get very upset about stuff like this crap,I cannot stand deceitful fools.I hope he does not need you when they get a divorce.
Reply:I feel really bad for you. I *lost* my best friend when he got married. He and I had dated for a year and had a friendly break-up. We were purely platonic friends for 7 years after that. His girlfriend who became his fiancee who became his wife -- notwithstanding my best efforts -- decided she didn't want us to be friends anymore. Apparently, her mother and friends thought it was unseemly for him to have an "ex-girlfriend" as a friend. I tried to talk to her directly, apologized for any slight I may have directed to her inadvertently, let her know that she was #1, and I in no way wanted to disrespect her. She was cold and totally non-receptive. My friend had the balls to tell me the truth and tell me that he had to "break up" with me as a friend -- he couldn't choose a friendship over his wife. I respect him for that -- it is what makes him a person of great integrity. But it hurt sooooo badly. That was 9 years ago, and I still miss talking to him (we used to talk every day).





I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Yes, it hurts. No, I don't think it will change her mind if you talk to her, but if you do, you will know (and your friend will know) that you took your best shot at behaving like an adult and tried to build a bridge. That's cold comfort when you no longer have your friend, believe me I know. Good luck to you.
Reply:I understand that you would be hurt by not being invited, but a wedding is a different situation than a birthday party. This day is strictly about your friend and his soon to be wife. If she does not want you there, then that is her right.





You could mention it to your friend, the groom, and just put it like, "Is there any reason why I wasn't invited?" That way he will be sure to be aware of the situation and can invite you if it was an accident that you were left off the list.





Otherwise just chalk it up to her jealousy and move on. It's her day.
Reply:Confront him, maybe he didn't realize that you weren't invited. It's all right to feel hurt. I would if I was in your shoes.


Why does she not like you? I know that you said that she's jealous or that she feels threatened by your friendship. What I mean to say is that have you done anything that has caused her to think that your friend would be better off without your friendship? Just asking.


One more thing, why didn't you ask your friend about not getting an invitation before the wedding.


If I knew my good friend was getting married and I had not recieved the invite, I would have been like "What up girlfirend?, where's my invite?"
Reply:Tell him how you're feeling. I think that's pretty messed up.
Reply:For whatever reason, you aren't invited. He has no obligation to invite you and you have no rights to demand that you'd be invited. It'd be nice if he invited you, but since he didn't, let it end... don't pursue this as it will only make the matters worse.
Reply:well if he really loves her it might be the end of you and him being friends,if he's going to be a devoted husband and she doesn't like you,then for his sake you may have to back off.i know i wouldn't put up with my wife having a male friend that would visit her.and i wouldn't do her that way with a female friend. witch i wouldn' t have.she probably made him choose between you or her.life is rough some times,we just have to be adults.
Reply:If your girlfriend asked you that question, what would your answer be?
Reply:You have nothing to be hurt about and should never confront anyone! He is moving on with his life, and hopefully he sees his wife as a best friend. Yes, you were there for him as a friend, but it has all changed now, and YOU are the one that has to accept that. Don't be jealous of his new life.
Reply:wow im sorry that must suck i soo sorry i hope everything get better but first i think that you should confornt him and tell hi how you feel! that suck so bad! you should really tell him it will make you feel way better!
Reply:It sounds like his wife does NOT want you to be his friend %26amp; has cut you out. He will not be able to see you as much any more, if that is the case. You will have to accept this, I'm sure you want his marriage to work %26amp; he has married her. Talk to him - give him a chance, but I think you'll have to find a new best friend, because he just married his. Sorry, hun.
Reply:This happened to me as well. I did not bother asking why, we are no longer friends now.


I think his wife doesn't like me. Think of it this way - it is his loss(our friendship that is).
Reply:Your friend's priority now is his wife-to-be; there's no point in confronting him and making his life even more difficult - and there's no point in being hurt or upset. People's lives change, they move on. It is up to them whom to invite to the wedding, leave it up to them. I'm sure you have other friends you can hang out with - sounds like this one is moving on, and you won't be seeing much of him. But it's fairly normal; I don't see my friends nearly as much since I've been married. Things change; let it go.
Reply:The new wife views you as a threat, whether you are or not is immaterial. He had to make a choice and he chose his wife. You are hurt, there's no denying that ...confronting him won't change anything. The change has already been made, he's now a married man and has pledged his allegiance to his new wife.
Reply:it seems like the girl is way too jealous. also the fact that you and her husband have known each other for longer. maybe shes spoken to him and told him that she didnt want you to attend the wedding. leave it for a while. dont call him or contact him until hes tried a few times. then confront him when he asks why your giving him the cold shoulder.. i know he might say summit that he didnt know or whatever but the fact that your his best mate he should have invited you personnally..
Reply:Ask him why you aren't invited. However, you should be prepared for the fact that you aren't his best friend anymore. He's getting married and his wife comes first and she doesn't like you.
Reply:I will confront him and be hurt.
Reply:If she doesn't like you, it would probably make for a much more enjoyable experience for her on her wedding day.





We I got married, we kept it small, but only invited people that we BOTH wanted there.





Go ahead and talk to him about it and let him know that you were hurt, but also understand her side of it all.
Reply:just politely express your feelings. ask if there was a certain reason why he didn't invite you.
Reply:I would tell him how I felt, but his first loyalty must be to her. He surely knows the guest list...
Reply:maybe you werent invited out of respect for her. if she doesnt like you maybe she asked that you not be invited. I know it probably sucks, but think how she feels having her fiances best friend be a girl and you being over there hanging out with him and stuff. I would probably be a bit jealous too. so maybe thats why you werent invited. I wouldnt confront him though. if he really wants you there that badly I'm sure he would have asked if you were on the guest list.
Reply:You answered your own question in the last sentence. If she doesn't like you and she made the list, that's why you weren't invited! She's probably jealous of your relationship with her fiance, and despite the fact that nothing's there besides friendship, she's still envious of how close you are to him. Don't be hurt because he didn't do anything to hurt you. If you feel the need, confront him about her actions and how they make you feel. Keep in mind however, that weddings these days are CRAZY expensive and they're probably trying to keep down the guest list. They may feel obligated to invite some of these coworkers because of their positions at work, and of course the family because that's a given. Honestly, it's their decision about who to invite, and if she doesn't feel comfortable with you being there, she can probably manipulate him into not allowing you to come. Try not to feel hurt, and if you do or do not end up going to the wedding, try to show her in future meetings how friendly you can be and how you do not have any other feelings for her husband than friendship. Good luck!
Reply:He's not your bestfriend and he never was.
Reply:just talk to him and see whats up
Reply:You should tell him because i doubt he knows that you arent invited. If you dont want her to dislike you than you have to be able to convince her that you guys are just friends, nothing more.
Reply:What are you waiting for? Talk to him. if he is your best friends as you said he is, then talk to him and work it out. it is better to talk this out than holding it in. Maybe it was a mistake? Or maybe it was an agreement between him and his future wife? It better be a good reason!
Reply:His fiancee feels threatened by you, as well she should be, to be honest. She loves him and she wonders if there may be some secret relationship between you. No doubt she's trying to shake you off somehow.





Don't pressure him to turn on his bride-to-be for being nervous, but just try to assure her that it's nothing but a friendship. Get to know her if you can, so she knows you better and may be able to judge you for herself. Either way, get yourself to that wedding -- tell your guy friend that you haven't been invited and he may convince his fiancee that he really wants you there. Hope that she knows few sane men dare invite "mistresses" to the wedding.





Blaming someone is not an option, but communicating is. She's pulling strings to keep you away from your friend, so instead of trying to get to him so much, try to get to HER. Congratulate her on the wedding, and don't mention how lucky she is or how awesome the bridegroom is if you can manage not to.





Hope this helps, and good luck :)
Reply:Maybe she has something do with it and doesn't like her fiance's relationship with you and can't understand that you are good friends and have been for a long time.I think you should tell him how your feeling and how you don't understand why you didn't get an invite and hopefully he'll open up to you and tell you the situation.I mean I don't think he forgot lol although I understand a lot of preparation goes into a wedding.
Reply:First find out if he dropped dead
naming